Icing the kicker…

In the sport of American football or Canadian football, the art of “icing the kicker” is a tactic employed by defending teams to disrupt the process of kicking a field goal just prior to the snap. Typically, either a player or a coach on the defending team will call time out just as the kicker is about to attempt a game-tying or game-winning field goal. This is intended to distract, frustrate, annoy, and make the kicker nervous, increasing the likelihood of him missing the kick.

Last week, I got iced. Last Tuesday, I got up before either of the boys were awake and I sat down and wrote from early am until 2pm. The only reason I stopped was because I needed to get online for a class I’m taking. My class was the proverbial time out. I will admit, there was a part of me that wanted to blow off the class and keep on writing. Class ended at 4:30 and my son had a swim meet that night that started at 7, so I knew I would have another 2-½ hours to write; providing I could get back into it…

Additionally, I was feeling resentful of the swim meet. Not resentful of the swim meet itself, but I felt guilty that I didn’t want to go; that I wanted to keep on writing; that I wanted to do something for myself. Bottom line, I was pissed that I was unable to continue and I was feeling guilty for feeling pissed.

And I was fretting about whether or not I would be able to get my head back in the game.

That was a bigger feat than one might think. I’d always experienced this with painting. The times when I felt most inspired were often the most inconvenient times; in the middle of the night… in class… while on vacation and sans any art supplies… and now the same was holding true for writing. Just to sit down and do it usually would get me moving towards that infamous “zone“, but getting myself to sit down to do it was an accomplishment in and of itself.

So I found myself on one of my most productive days ever… kicking field goals right and left (or straight and high, I guess I should say) until I got iced.

Truthfully, this happens all the time, doesn‘t it? Your kids will always interrupt you at the most inopportune time. The traffic is always the worst when you’re late and the paper will inevitably jam in the copier when you’re trying to print the handouts for your presentation. I’m not just talking about Murphy’s Law… I’m talking about those moments when you are truly at your best; totally present, in the zone or the flow or whatever you want to call it (I call it being incredibly productive) and someone or something calls you to the sidelines. I was the kicker and I was being iced. So, what I want to ask you is… (especially as a mom!) how do you get back on your game after you‘ve been thrown?

How do you keep your focus or better yet, knowing that interruptions will arise, how do you bring yourself back to that place before you were interrupted?

When life throws a monkey wrench at you, how do you deal? Do you cover your head and duck or do you catch the wrench and try to juggle? Please post your comments here.

A Good Filter… ??? …

A Good Filter ???

I was talking with my friend Kathy the other week and I told her about a date I had with a man from It’s Just Lunch.

We met about a month ago and had dinner downtown. He seemed nice enough. Cute, tall… good job… smart… great on paper. And he was shy. I could tell he was a very private guy and unfortunately, I felt like I drove the conversation.

I hate to drive.

There were a few awkward moments, but truthfully, that seems to be par for the course for a lot of first dates; not just my own. I’ve realized that you can learn a lot about the person you’re with by observing the deafening spaces in the gaps between conversation. Are they uncomfortable? Do they fidget? Do they seem at ease with the silence or is crap flying out of their mouth, just to fill the air? Trent seemed uncomfortable and I wanted to put him out of his misery, so I did my best to keep the dialogue flowing without completely leading or monopolizing the conversation.

He asked me a few questions about myself. Mostly, what I did for a living. I told him about real estate and coaching and that I was writing a book. Well, one would think that the next, most obvious question would be… What is your book about? Right?

Nope. Nothing. Crickets…

Surprisingly, when I tell people that I’m writing a book, only about half of them ask me what it is about; which leads me to believe that 50% of the people you talk to aren‘t listening. (and I’m sure, in all fairness, there have been plenty of times when I’ve missed something someone else said…)

Part of me felt like it might be time to put the horse down…

BUT, as I navigate my way through the dating world, I remind myself not to judge a book by it’s cover and that great things reveal themselves in time AND that the men I’ve loved the most were men I didn’t spark with immediately.

After two hours, our dinner was over and it was time to move on. We exchanged numbers and I thought to myself that maybe this guy just needed some time to open up. He was kind and smart and I shouldn’t be so quick to write him off.

The following Saturday, he “friended” me on facebook. Oh. Whoa Nellie… Wait a minute… I’m not all that particular about the people I will accept friend requests from, (My only rule is that we have to have met at some point or have enough friends in common that it’s inevitable we will meet.) HOWEVER, you can get a great big glimpse into my life if you are a facebook friend of mine. (I will fess up here to the fact that my ex-husband has sent me a friend request three times and I’ve denied it every time.), but I figured, what the hell… I’ve got nothing to hide and after waiting for what seemed the appropriate time, I accepted his friend request.

Flash to the next morning as I get up and eventually make my way over to check my email. There’s a facebook email and it’s from Trent. He tells me that it was really nice to meet me and that he had a great time on our date. He is sure I’ll have great success with my endeavors. He then goes on to tell me that even though I’m changing the names of the guys in the book, that he just doesn’t feel comfortable going forward.

OK, I can appreciate that.  Part of me wanted to tell him that the guys I’ve written about in the book are the guys that have been significant to me. They were either men that I dated for a long time and were deeply in love with or men who handled things so poorly, that I couldn’t NOT write about them.

Meaning = If you’re a stand up guy, you’ve got nothing to worry about, but OK. I can respect his decision.

My best friend Kathy asked me if I wasn’t worried I was shooting myself in the foot by writing this book. I thought it was a valid question and honestly, it wasn’t the first time that the thought had occurred to me. I was something that I‘d actually given a fair amount of contemplation and what I’d found, more than anything was that it was a good filter.

My guy (whoever he is) is strong and he won’t be intimidated by the fact that I’m writing a book. The guy that would be so freaked out as to run away (and trust me, there have been a couple who have expressed discomfort with the book) isn’t my man. What I’ve found is that when guys learn about my “pet project” they either react or they respond. How they show up tells me a lot.

Trent was afraid he end up a chapter and that speaks volumes, doesn‘t it? The last guy I dated told me he’d be honored to be in my book. (He might not feel the same way once it comes out.) I’ve experienced a mix of apprehension as well as support.

But, no worries… I thought to myself. Part of me thought it was a stand up move for him to send the email, so that was cool. Shame, because he probably didn’t have anything to worry about, being such an upfront, honest guy.

Then, I noticed he un-friended me. Really? So, I get that you might not be comfortable dating me, but you’re not even comfortable to remain my fake facebook friend? Seriously, dude? You’re that worried? Really? What is this fifth grade?

OK, so he might not be interesting enough for the book, but now I think he deserves a blog post.

I sure hope he bookmarked the site… hee hee hee

“Value growth and you will value virtually every situation.” ~ Dennis Prager

“People you attract are a reflection of what you put forth. If you want to attract people of strong character be of strong character yourself. If you want to attract people of faith be faithful and most of all if you want to attract Love…..be Loving.” ~ Bruce Fowler

♥ Pay it forward & forget,
receive & always remember!!! ♥

“The universe will give you your next assignment when you are overqualified for this one.” ~ thanks Jairek

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” ~ (thx Melanie… Love it!)

“The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” ~ Robert Fulghum (Thanks Nellie B)

“Insecurity, is the greatest social piranha in the pool of human existence. Yet discovering that no matter what anyone else thinks, you can still choose your own thoughts, manifest your own things, and live happily ever after is like wearing underwater, titanium body armor in your favorite color, with built-in rabbit ear slippers and a ghetto-like hoodie.” ~

Priceless,
The Universe

“I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.”
–George Burns (thx Jason S.)